Clavicle Is The New Cleavage!

I had my second treatment on a Monday and by Wednesday my hair was falling out in clumps. There are a lot of indignities associated with having breast cancer chemotherapy. I decided that "cancer" was not going to take my hair... I was going to control that one!  My stylist, which fitted me for a wig, was unavailable. So, I called my best friend and told him that he had to shave my head tonight.  I know it was harder on R than it was on me.  He climbed into the bathtub with me and cut it into a crew cut  (it really looked pretty good) and then he shaved it all off. Who knew surgeons could style hair too! We both cried. It didn't bother me that I was bald, it was the reality staring back at me in the mirror.  The reality that I really did have cancer.

It's funny how I've gained a greater appreciation for the follicly impaired.

Being bald is really quite liberating! I can get ready as fast as R now! I love not having to wash and blow dry my hair. It takes just minutes to throw on the wig and presto...R has a new girlfriend! He thinks she is very sexy! However, it does get cold, something I never really understood until now. I wear a do-rag around the house, and to bed and I am very toasty. As always, my baseball cap is my first choice over the wig! The warm shower feels wonderful on a bald head...got to find the silver lining!

30 years...5/29/13 For better or worse & in sickness and in health...by my side!
Happy Anniversary to my amazing husband!

Alex cut 12 inches of her hair off in 2010 to donate to Locks of Love.

In March, she dip dyed her hair pink to help cheer me on.

Somehow The Chemo Cocktail Doesn't taste the same as a fine Chardonnay with Dover Sole!

Thanks Hallmark...
my Sentiments exactly!

I started neo adjuvant chemotherapy on February 18th and hopefully if all goes well, I will be finished on May27th!!  Just in time to for a a wonderful celebration with family and friends on June 8th at the Race for A Cure!!

Chemotherapy is a compound of two words that mean "chemical" and "treatment"

My dear friend and fellow warrior tried to calm my fears by calling it an"infusion." What she really wanted to say, but didn't want to frighten me, was to call it chemo f***ing therapy, a nightmare you'll never forget, the most challenging days of your life, and the list could go on.

My first day of chemo was a dreaded day of unknown fear, of what was about to happen to my body. I take good care of myself, exercise, eat healthily and I rarely even take tylenol. Now, I am about to embark on a process of  putting the most deadly toxins into my body. It's absolutely barbaric, however, this is what is scientifically proven to work at the moment. Someday soon, I hope, scientists will find a way to target tumors more effectively rather than treating the body with a systemic poison.

The Process:

1st ~ your height and weight is taken as this is how they calculate the drugs in milligram doses

2nd ~ you sit in your lazy boy chair, your blood pressure is taken 

3rd ~ they take blood from your port which was inserted surgically under the skin on the chest and attached to the port is a catheter that goes directly into the vena cava (very creepy)...the blood is drawn to see if you are only half dead, if you are only half dead you are certainly ready for another smack down!

4th ~ the compassionate nurses hang the dreaded cocktails and they are all administered through the port

First 4 treatments consisted of the following goodies: This takes about 3 1/2 hours

Emend: prevent nausea

Aloxi: prevent nausea

Decadron: steroid (helps with nausea and anti - inflammatory)

Adriamycin chemo (Better known as the Red devil) Can't imagine why it's called this? It's red in color, makes you pee red and it does nasty things to your body (alters the structure of cellular DNA)
Cytoxan: chemo (interferes with cellular metabolism and growth)

Saline flush

The day after each of the first 4 treatments, when you are so sick you can barley sit upright in a chair, you go in for a "Neulasta"shot. This is a white blood cell booster.  It stings like a son of a bitch (the nurse always apologizes) This shot just adds insult to injury as your body is already compromised from the day before and the shot knocks you for another loop.

Second 4 treatments: This take about 4 1/2 hours

Benadryl: to prevent allergic reaction (Taxol is so highly allergic, you must be given Benadryl to prevent possible anaphylactic shock)  Nice to know...made sure R was by my side for this one

Zofran: prevent nausea 

Decadron: steroid

Zantac: (prevent stomach/heartburn issues)

Taxol: chemo (prevents cancer cells from dividing)

Saline flush

My schedule is a two - week interval and is called "dose dense chemotherapy" 

I only had a FEW side effects, which included the following: gastritis, mouth sores (so painful it hurt to talk, drink or eat), nausea, folliculitis (it wasn't bad enough to lose all of my hair, but then I developed a rash on my head), body sores from steroid use, severe dry mouth (but there is a special mouth wash for that...thank heavens for small miracles), extreme thirst, loss of appetite (with the first 4 treatments EVERYTHING tastes awful...even water tastes terrible. Your taste buds are fried for the first 2 months of treatment, but improves for the second round, body hair loss ( I really enjoyed the instant Brazilian), I still have some eyelashes and eyebrows...go figure... (keep your fingers crossed!!) sore and darkened nail beds (may lose nails... oh well...see mantra below), constant runny nose, burning and itching of the eyes, migraine symptoms (sound and light sensitivity) extreme fatigue, severe joint pain, hand and body tremors, chemo is extremely dehydrating so everything is extremely dry (chap-stick and a loofah sponge are my salvation), dizziness, difficulty sleeping, bladder discomfort, constipation, neuropathy is common with the Taxol (keep your fingers crossed on this one too...hasn't happened)

Cancer attacks the body first and then it invades the spirit.

I felt so much despair while going through this nightmare.  I finally decided my mantra had to be 
"this is as good as it gets." 

When I finally "let go" of  what I could not control (the inevitable side effects) it was a big step in easing my suffering.  I was hesitant at first, but I soon discovered that I should take every drug possible to get me through.  The nurses would encourage it and assured me that it was all "short term."  

Only 2 More Treatments!!