Partly Cloudy Chance of Pain

On 2/18/13 I rolled up my sleeves and got into warrior mode to let the killing begin!

You have probably heard that most treatments begin after surgery, however I was given a choice to have treatments before or after surgery.  I chose to have neoadjuvant chemotherapy.  This gave me more "peace of mind" to make decisions about surgery and reconstruction down the line.  

Everything was happening too quickly and I was feeling like I was not in control.  Originally, surgery was set for Valentines's Day.  We had two vacations planned and I had a lot of mental processing to do as well as decision making. My mind was still spinning and my anxiety level was over the top!  I felt a huge burden being lifted when neoadjuvant chemo was given to me as a choice. 

The Friday before chemo started, I had a permanent IV device (life port) surgically inserted under the skin. This is where they will draw blood and administer chemo each time. 

Chemical warfare on the body

The cancer cells are constantly dividing until something disrupts this cycle, which is the role of chemotherapy.  Unfortunately, chemo is killing off the healthy dividing cells in bone marrow, gastrointestinal tract, hair follicles ect. This is where the horrendous side effects come into play.  Reading about and anticipating the side effects was enough to set me  into full gear panic mode! I tried to focus on the fact that these chemicals were going to save my life! I closed my eyes and thought of Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Instead of clicking my heals together and saying "there is no place like home," I said, "let the healing begin."

The chemotherapy room, in my opinion, is hardly conducive to healing.  My mother went with me for the first treatment and every time I looked at her, I would cry, no words were spoken, she just understood. I love her!!  If you ever need to put life into perspective, go sit in a chemotherapy room.

ONE chemo treatment is behind me!! Now I know what to expect, and the anxiety won't be as great for round 2.  The week following the first treatment was a challenge.  My side effects were mostly headache, extreme fatigue and waves of nausea.  I slept most of the week away.  Monday was the first treatment, and on Friday, at about 5:00, I called Ralph and told him I was starving.  I was never so happy to be starving!! I was planning my victory dinner while I waited for him to come home! I wanted a juicy medium rare filet mignon, Caesar salad, and a baked potato with butter and sour cream!  I was finally on the "other side of shitty!!" 

Warrior Pose